Vivienne Wolff Family Mediation
.... helping you move on
WHAT IS MEDIATION?
Mediation is many things. But there are also many myths about it. Before going into what it is, let’s first establish what it is NOT.
Mediation is NOT:
- meditation! There can be no tuning out during the mediation process, because both parties are active participants in the process.
- a magic bullet or cure-all. Mediation does not guarantee an end to your problems.
- a way to save your relationship. It is NOT marriage guidance counselling or counselling of any kind. In fact, successful mediation will often help parties go their separate ways and feel okay about doing so.
- It’s not always a ‘50:50 split’ or any other formulaic outcome. An outcome that may not seem ‘fair’ to an observer, may be realistic and fair in terms of the needs of the parties and their children.
- A process where tough decisions are made for you. This is not arbitration. Decisions are made by the parties themselves.
So what is mediation?
- A simple, relatively inexpensive form of dispute resolution by communication
- A way to resolve differences with the help of an independent, unbiased mediator, usually a lawyer or mental health professional.
- An opportunity to reach your own solution without going to litigation.
Mediation is all about communication
- A place where communication actually happens. Mediation helps you talk things through and talk things out.
- It helps you raise issues and give honest, open feedback when sensitive issues are raised.
- A way to communicate openly and to express your true interests in a safe, controlled forum, where definite ground rules ensure courtesy and respect to each party.
- A place to be heard. Specialist mediators are skilled listeners. They’ll help you interpret the situation and identify your true interests and real needs.
- You’ll be guided to communicate effectively with one another. These new channels of communication
will have positive spin-offs. Besides paving the way for a quick settlement and a workable future, when you communicate more easily, your children will too.
Mediation is about finding solutions
- It’s about facing the issues and challenges and dealing with the practicalities of family life after separation. For example, living arrangements, co-parenting, time sharing, budgeting and parenting plans can be discussed, and options created for you.
- Both parties are active in this form of ‘brainstorming’, often coming up with unique and creative outcomes that offer the very best compromise.
- The mediator has no prior knowledge of the parties or their dispute, and remains unbiased throughout the process.
- the rules and ethics of mediation ensure that the mediator does not align him/herself with either/any of the parties, and must withdraw if this occurs.
Making sure it works
One of the important things about mediation is that it can be progressed at your own pace and you retain control of your future
- you can work at your own pace, trial certain outcomes, come back for refreshers or feedback and review, as the situation changes or the children’s needs change.
- you remain in control of your future, and that of your children’s. You and your former partner own the process and with the guidance of the mediator, make all decisions. Research shows that when parties have been active and instrumental in reaching agreements, they are more likely to uphold them